Q. I am recently married and unable to get closer to my wife as I had a love affair in the past but no sex. I am still in touch with her and like her very much. It was a arranged marriage and I don't have any interest in my wife. I am a friendly guy and I move very easily with people but I am finding it very difficult to even talk to my wife. I know what I am doing is wrong but can't help it. The problem is that I am now neither here nor there, and the level of depression in me increases day by day thinking that I have lost my entire life and I am very depressed. I think you can understand my position and help me.

A. I understand that this must be really hard for you. But what you must remember that is that all new relationships take some time to develop. As you have mentioned, yours was an arranged marriage. You need to give your wife and yourself a little more time to reach a level of comfort. If the sexual part of the relationship seems difficult, please put that aside for some time. Focus your energies on spending time together doing things that both of you enjoy. Talk to each other and get to know each others thoughts and feelings. If a healthy relationship develops, the sexual component will follow. Reduce the pressure on yourself and enjoy the moment. Things will hopefully work out well. Take care.

.Q, My wife does not agree to do anal or oral sex. What shall I do to persuade her?

A.You cannot force or coerce your wife to do something shes averse to. Try to reason with her and explain to her why you think oral and anal sex are pleasurable to receiver/giver. If shes still not impressed, you have to respect her wishes and leave her alone.

Can a hernia operation lead to impotence?

Q. I am 40 years old and married with one child. I am going to have a hernia operation. I heard that hernia operation can lead to impotence. Is this true? There are different types of hernia. In my case the hernia is right below my abdomen.

Q. My husband is a workaholic. I have completed 2 years of marriage and in these 2 years we have met only 8 times. My husband has good sexual feelings but he is satisfying himself. I am unable to speak romantically and sexually with my husband. I want to speak openly to him but can't. Before the marriage, I had no idea about sex so I rejected him the first time. After some days I said sorry. We are enjoying sex when we meet, but I don't know whether he is satisfied or not. He loves me a lot. He is born and brought up in Delhi and is very modern. Whereas I was born and brought up in a small village. I want to open up with him, but always think what if he replies negatively. This thing is disturbing my mind. I am a friendly person but cannot be frank with him. I asked him about having children once and consulting a doctor. But he said that he'll let me know whenever he is interested, I haven't raised the topic again. Now I don't have an interest in having children. I am unable to concentrate on my career. He has never said 'I love you' or 'I miss you' to me. I have sent him so many messages but he hasn't replied. He had a girlfriend who got married recently. They are both in touch since a year. He is very sentimental and sensitive. He likes to watch sex movies but not with me. Please advise.

Q. I am married for the past 6 years and have two children. We are a happy couple, except for the sex part. My wife had a disinterest in sex right from the day of the marriage. I thought she'll get interested gradually. But she never liked, caressed or made love to me, instead she gave some excuses and moved away. Recently she shocked me by saying that she had sex with a boy in her neighbourhood during childhood. This continued for some years. The boy inserted into her vagina and after finishing, he gave her some money to buy chocolates. Gradually her cousins and other people known to her, caressed and sucked her breasts and vagina. She does not say whether she had a sexual intercourse with anyone. Due to this whenever I try and caress her or make love, she feels that she is making love to those people and loses interest. I feel cheated and don't know what to do. I have assured her that I love her the most and will help her in anyway to come out of this trauma. I love her a lot and do not like to have sex with others. Please help.

A. We appreciate your understanding nature and keen-ness to help your wife. It appears that your wife is carrying in her thoughts some trauma/ unpleasant experiences of sex in her childhood. That is the most probable cause of her aversion to sex. For such cases, a few sittings with a psychotherapist are necessary to normalize her thinking on the subject. Kindly arrange to see a psycho-therapist in person at the earliest. Till then, please continue to be tolerant as you have been so far with your wife and don't discuss her past with her.

Q. I am 19 years old. I am pursuing engineering. I have a mental problem, which I find difficult to discuss with anyone openly. I have a strong sexual desire for my mother, who is quite attractive even in her 40s. Is this a natural feeling or a mental perversion, which can be treated with medicine? I am not able to control my feelings for her. We stay alone on many days as my father goes on tours. I am the only child of her. Can I tell her about my feelings openly and ask her to help me. She has lot of affection for me and hugs and makes lot of body contacts without knowing my feelings. Is it ok if I indulge in sexual contact with her, with her consent other than intercourse? Is there any harm in doing so, if she is willing? Many times I feel like telling her about my feelings, but I don't know how she will react? Do such relations exist in our society?

Q. I am an unmarried, 26 years old woman. I have a thin built, with a height 5 feet. I had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend for the first time a year back. After that my periods have become very erratic, even though I had regular periods before having sex. The first period I had after sex was 1.5 months later and the intervals have stretched increasingly. Now, it is almost 2 months. I am not undergoing any medical treatment and nor am I pregnant. What is wrong, I am totally clueless? Please let me know what checkup to do? I am going to be married next year. The local physician says that things will become alright after I get married. I am little apprehensive about that. Please advise your suggestions.

A. The fact that you had sex a year back and have not had a child yet, rules out pregnancy as a reason. Was it a one time sex or have you had intercourse on an ongoing basis? If you are having sex on an ongoing basis, then you must see a gynecologist for evaluation as soon as possible before getting married. If you have only had sex once 10 months ago, then it is possible that your guilt about it is causing excessive stress. Our brain is a very powerful organ system and any feelings of extreme stress can manifest themselves physically. I would only suggest eating healthy, taking a multivitamin every-day, see a gynaecologist if needed and forgive yourself.

Q. Whenever I have intercourse with my wife, there is a lot of discharge from her vagina. Is it normal or we need to consult a doctor? Please advise.

A. During sexual intercourse, the glands in the vaginal wall secrete lubricating fluid. The quantities are enough to make the passage of vaginal canal smooth and pain free for the woman. It is all a very normal event.

Q. I am a 40 years old male. Yesterday I had sexual contact using condom with a girl and after ejaculation, I noticed that the condom got torn. I got worried and immediately took the girl to a diagnostic lab and she was tested for HIV and the result was reactive with HIV-1 antibody by Tridot kit. Now I think I am at risk of getting infected with HIV and I want to know what tests I have to get done in order to diagnose whether I have got infected with HIV or not and also when these tests have to be done i.e. is it immediate or do I have to wait for sometime? Meanwhile, what precautions I have to take to lead a normal life?

Q. Whenever I have intercourse with my wife, there is a lot of discharge from her vagina. Is it normal or we need to consult a doctor? Please advise. A. During sexual intercourse, the glands in the vaginal wall secrete lubricating fluid. The quantities are enough to make the passage of vaginal canal smooth and pain free for the woman. It is all a very normal event. ·  One positive test result does not necessarily mean that the person is actually positive. Some false positive tests occur quite frequently and therefore another test, preferably using an ELISA test of any type will give more definite results. If the second test is positive then the girl is infected. ·  The usual tests done for HIV are based on antibodies and it may take between 3 months and sometimes even longer, for the test to manifest itself. You would need to have a test after a suitable time has elapsed. ·  PCR type tests give results much sooner, you can find out if any big research type lab is doing those tests in your vicinity ·  Until you have a definitive test result, you must take care not to infect anyone and either abstain from sex or use a condom properly. Remember as you yourself have demonstrated, condoms do not give 100% protection. ·  Live a sensible regular life with a good diet. ·  There is one other option which may be considered. You can ask your doctor for post-exposure prophylaxis. If started immediately, it MAY work though the drugs are expensive and they have side effects.   am not sexually attracted to my wife, what is wrong with me?   Q. I am not interested to have sex with my wife. I feel she is too skinny. But whenever I see a lady outside with good figure, I get an urge. I like big sized hips and breasts. But I have not had any sexual intercourse with any one other than my wife, after marriage. Occasionally I go to my ex-girl friend, who is married and quench my self without sexual intercourse. What would be the reason to my sexual frigidity with my wife. She is interested in sex but I ejaculate within 1 to 2 minutes. I have a son whom I love a lot. But I don't know whether I love my wife? She is a good house maker, qualified etc. Before the marriage itself I saw her naked and then onwards I disliked her body but married her somehow. Now my question is what is the reason for my sexual frigidity with my wife but not with others? A. Yes, this is very much a psychological issue, and does not have anything to do with urology. What you have is less attraction, and desire towards your wife, but not less desire towards sex in general, and you do get attracted towards others. What you need to do is, that you work on the non-sexual relationship with your wife before focussing only on sex. Meaning, that you should share more time, and emotions, have fun and enjoyment with her, talk more, improve communication, and start being intimate with her, all this would rekindle the feelings. Sex is not just about attractiveness, its also about the mutual fun the couple has. Consult a psychiatrist, or consider marital counselling. Masturbation and sex Q. I have a habit of fantasising about having sex and masturbating. Kindly tell me how to get rid of this problem. A. Masturbation is not a disease and thus cannot be cured. You should engage in more physical activities to get your mind off sexual thoughts all the time. Though fantasising about sex is not wrong by any means, it should not become an overriding though, so that it hampers your normal life. Relax and do not worry too much about it.